


Online

by GoldenHookDrabbles



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: M/M, Online Dating, Pre-Slash, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:45:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2729507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenHookDrabbles/pseuds/GoldenHookDrabbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No magic/Storybrook AU<br/>Rumplestiltskin’s teenage son Bae sets out to help him get a date. Bae sets up an online dating profile for his dad and finds someone for his dad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“Meet me at my house I wanna-“_

“Nope not even gonna finish that one.” Bae says as he deletes the message. He mumbles ‘freaks’ under his breath as he hears Emma pull up a chair next to him.

“What’s up with the account? Any more funny pick up lines?” She asks pushing Bae out of the way so she can see the screen better.

“A few.” Bae answers readjusting so they both can see. “Mostly normal people, and a couple of really bizarre messages. I deleted them.” He answers before Emma can ask to see them.

She pouts in response, “Oh my God look at that one!” She points at a message halfway down the list and reads, “ _I wish it was 1998 cause you should have a HotMale account._ I love it.”

Bae laughs, “You like that one look at this one.” He pulls up another message, _“I wish your profile pic was only on SnapChat so I wouldn’t look at it every 20min. ;)”_

“That’s great.” She points at another message, “That one click that one.” Bae moves the mouse to open the one Emma’s pointing at. _“_ _Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.”_ Emma howls with laughter as Bae groans.

“Emma I don’t need to know that people think of my father like that!” Emma laughs harder as Belle shushes them both; people are now staring at them. They stage whisper sorry; Belle rolls her eyes and continues to place books back on the shelves. 

“I’m crying.” Emma says between breaths. “I’m so happy you made this account for your dad.”

“Well I’m glad me and all my hard work to find my dad a date amuses you.” Bae huffs. Emma snickers at him.

“Look at this one _I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.”_ She laughs again as Bae groans and he tells her to stop reading them aloud. “Well what did you think was gonna happen when you created your dad’s profile?”

“I thought I’d get a couple of people who where genially interested in him.” Bae rolls his eyes. “But mostly it’s a bunch of weirdo’s who are why to forward.”

Emma snorts, “Guess that’s what happens when your dad’s a rich stud.”

“Please don’t ever call my dad a stud again.” Bae grunts.

Emma flashes him a smile. “There’s gotta be someone here who would be alright for your dad to meet.” She says searching the messages again, this time with a more critical eye. “There he looks nice.”

Bae hums as he pulls up the man’s profile, “Yeah he looks alright. They have some things is common. I think it could work.” Emma nods in agreement. “I’ll set up a date!”


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey your home late.” Rum says to Bae as he enters the house. Bae nods his head.

“Yeah Emma and I hung out at the library. Did some homework, sat around and talked you know.” Seeing his dad’s smile and wink he goes on, “All we did was talk.” As he throws his coat on a hanger, in a way Rum knows it’s just going to slide off onto the floor of the closet, Bae mumbles, “We’re not like that.” Deciding to drop it Rum doesn’t say anything else instead shuffles some of the papers he was working on before Bae comes home. Bae plops onto the couch near the table his father is working at. Bae pulls out his phone and starts to play on it. As Rum works he continues to ask Bae about his day.

When there’s a lull in the conversation Bae speaks, “Papa can I ask a question?” Rum stops writing and looks at his son.

“Of course Bae, you know you can talk to me about anything.” Bae try’s to look natural but he really just fidgets uncomfortably in his seat.

“I was just wondering if you were planning on doing anything next Thursday?” Rum is confused at the question. But he doesn’t want to make Bae feel awkward, fearing that it’ll cause him to stop talking. So he answers.

“No… I don’t believe I have anything planned.” He hears say cool under his breath.

“So can you… will you keep that night open?”

Worried that Bae is trying to tell him he has another parent teacher conference, it wouldn’t be the first time this year that he had to go to the school because of something Bae and Emma had done. Rum’s voice goes tense, “I guess I could, but can I ask why?”

Hearing the switch in tone Bae fidgets some more, then sounding forlorn he says, “Well… I know that you can get busy with your work, but I was hoping you would like to go out to dinner that night.”

At hearing his son’s words Rum deflates. He knew that after his marriage ended he threw himself into his work and hadn’t given Bae all the attention he deserved. But after Bae confided in Emma about his feeling of abandonment. Both Emma and her mother confronted him about his actions: Emma in her normal headstrong, no nonsense way, and her mother in her caring, understanding manner. He had thought he was doing better. He was trying to take an active role in his son’s life, he knew all of his son’s friends and their parents, he’s helped with homework and they eat as many meals together as they can.

“Oh Bae…” his pause makes Bae hesitant; he knows it’s not ok to manipulate his dad this way. But hopefully if the date goes well his dad won’t be so mad. “Of course we can go out to dinner.” Rum goes to continue wanting to talk more about Bae’s feelings when Bae jumps up from the couch and starts to make to leave.

“Great!” he yells, “Mark will be excited to see you at the restaurant.”

“Wait what?” Rum responds, “Whose Mark? Bae!”

 

Belle roars with laughter causing the other people at Grannie’s to turn and stare at their booth.

“Quite down Belle, I didn’t tell you so the whole town could know to.” With a glare Rum scars the other customers into returning to their own conversations.

With a last huff of laughter Belle speaks, “Oh come on Rumple it’s cute.” A few more chuckles, “Your son is setting you up on a date.” A dark glare from Rum is her response, which causes Belle to erupt in giggles again. “Stop it you.” She smiles, “You can’t scare me.” Rum rolls his eyes.

“It’s not cute, Baelfire pretended to me online, contacted an adult for a date, and tried to emotionally manipulated me into agreeing to go to the date.” Rum grunts out. Belle rolls her eyes, taking a sip of her iced tea before responding.

“Stop blowing everything out of proportion. So maybe Bae should be safer online but the people believe they were talking to you not your teenage son.” She takes a bite of her fries. “And as for the all the sneaking around, manipulation stuff, well… he is your son.”

Rum scoffs, “Well I’m so proud.” Belle laughs again.

“So where’s the date?” Rum looks taken back.

“I’m not going on the date. Why on earth would I go out with a stranger?”

“Hey blind dates can be fun, as long as they’re not with Dr. Whale.” Ruby says as she slides into Belle’s side of the booth.

Irritated at her interruption Rum sneers, “Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

Ruby pops her gum and smiles back at him, “I’m on break.”

“Hush you two, no fighting.” Belle says looking between her friends. “Rum you should go out it might be fun.”

He looks confused, “I’m sorry didn’t I just this last summer help you file a restraining order on that man you met online?”

“Not every man on the internet is like Gaston.” Belle answers, she reaches across the table and places her hand on Rum’s; “You can’t tell yourself that they are to keep yourself from going. And you can’t keep yourself from trying anything because your afraid the relationship will end like your last one.”

Rum sighs while Ruby starts to chant, _“Do it,”_ over and over. When she finishes she says.

“Come on Gold. Go on the blind date your teenage son found for you online, what could possibly go wrong?”


	3. Chapter 3

The restaurant is nice, really it’s the only nice restaurant in town, Storybrooke is small after all. Candles are lit on all the tables, which give a little light for the people sitting. Combined with the classical music plays’, drowning out the other conversations, the restaurant has succeed in giving diners a private, intimate experience in a public place. While Rum has had his reservations about this date at least it gives an excuse to go somewhere that’s not grannies or fast food, ah the joys of raising a teenager.

Rum notices that his date is late, he figures he’ll give ‘Mark’ a few more minutes before he leave. Wouldn’t want Bae and Belle thinking he skipped the date entirely. Suddenly Rum gags as the overpowering smell of body odor fills the air.

“Sorry I’m late traffic was a bitch.” Rum looks critically at the other man as he sit down, how can traffic be bad in this town? He pulls out the napkin and places it across his lap; he’s a handsome enough his blonde hair cut short and dark lashes frame his evergreen eyes, if Rum cared to notice. Already off put by the smell that’s lingering around the table.

“Rumpelstiltskin.” He says as he reaches to give the man a handshake. It’s returned, if a little to eagerly.

“Mark.” He removes his jacket but as he does more puffs of odor are released. “Are you ok? You’re lookin’ a little green around the gills.” Rum coughs before responding.

“I’ll be alright I just.” Another cough, “What is that smell?”

Mark looks at him confused before, Rum can almost see the light in Marks head goes off.

“Oh!” Mark exclaims loudly, a few people turn and look. “It must be coming from me.” He laughs and lifts his button up to reveal a black undershirt, “I just got done working out I threw on a clean shirt and some deodorant and came here.”

“Well exercising is important.” Rum responds sarcastically. It doesn’t seem that Mark caught the remark. Instead he agrees in his eager manor that Rum thinks is his only setting. “Why didn’t you change your undershirt? Surly it would feel more comfortable wearing a clean shirt then wearing a shirt you wore to exercise.”

“Oh I never take it off.” His drop in tone and sudden serious expression shocks Rum.

Fortunately Mark is saved from Rum’s scathing remark by the arrival of their waiter. They order their drinks but Mark waves him away when the waiter asks if they would like appetizers.

“You’re gonna love this, it’s my favorite.” He pulls out mustard packets from his pocket and squirts them onto his plate then offer a few to Rum.

Rum takes them but his face is screaming ‘don’t upset the crazy person.’ Mark grabs his spoon starts to eat the mustard.

“You don’t like mustard?” He asks when he sees Rum hasn’t dug in.

“Mustards fine but I normally put it on something.” He answers slowly, giving Mark a confused Look. Mark stares at Rum like this is the first time he’s heard someone say this.

“Really that’s… weird.” Now Mark looks confused, “You don’t just eat it by itself?” Rum shacks his head. “That’s ok I like a guy whose kinda quirky.” Rum just stares blankly at him as Mark gives him a large smile.

Finally he snaps out of his stupor. “Am… am I being punk’d right now?” Rum looks around the restaurant before turning back to Mark. “Did Bae put you up to this nonsense? I’m going to ground him until he graduates college for this.” He says the last to himself.

“No I don’t think your being punk’d?” Mark thinks for a moment, “I’ve never been punk’d before. _But_ I have been haunted!” Rum mumbles ‘For God’s sake’ to himself as Mark starts his story of being haunted.

“When I was a kid I was walking to the kitchen but I had to pass the basement door to get there, and when I passed the door, which was open. I heard a voice talking to me! I couldn’t really make out what it was saying but I got scared. Then for months toys would be moved from where I had left them often to places I couldn’t reach easily. It all stopped when my little brother was born.”

The waiter arrives with their drinks, when he sees the mustard on Marks plate he barely hides his confused shock. After agreeing to come back for their orders in a little while he leaves and Mark starts his story again.

“The scariest part was that my brother came into my room one night a few years later and asked why I didn’t talk to him when he was in the basement.”

Rum stares at Mark skeptical, “Could it be that your parents moved your toys? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pick up after my son over the years.”

Mark glares at Rum, “No. Well maybe but my brother talking about the basement proves that I heard a voice. How else would he know about it?”

“Maybe you dreamed the events?” Rum shrugs, “You’d be surprised how often Bae thinks he’s had a conversation with me and it turns out he dreamed it.”

As Mark stares at him stunned Rum thinks ‘Surly this isn’t the first time someone’s questioned his story?’

“No!” Marks yells, people in the restaurant turn and look. “I won’t let you make me doubt myself! I saw the ghost of my brother and he talked to me and that probes it you jackass!”

“Ok we’re done here.” Rum stands and starts to pull on his jacket.

“Wait why are you leaving?”

“Because you’re insane and you should make an appointment with Hopper sometime. Good luck with your delusions.” He huffs.

 

Twenty minutes later Rum finds himself at the bar in the Rabbit Hole. The bartender hands him his scotch. He takes a large drink of it then swirls the ice in the glass around.

“Well you look like you’ve had a rough night.” Another man says as he sits on the stool next to Rum. The man is handsome, fit but not bulky. He has dark hair and beard is kept short and he has crystal blue eyes.

“Tonight has been an ordeal.” Rum answers with a mumble, giving the man a leery look. The man introduces himself as Killian; Rum also gives his name to the man.

“Well then I’ll have to buy you another drink mate. Hopefully you’ll forget about your ordeal.” Killian says as waves the bartender over, ordering another round.

“Trying to get me drunk? We’ve only just met.” Killian laughs.

“Just trying to get you to lighten up. You looked like you’re going to burn down the bar you’re staring so intently.” Killian rubs a spot on the counter that was clearly missed while cleaning. “Someone probably should burn this place, it’s probably be the cleanest it’s been in a while.”

The bartender slams Killian’s drink down with a glare, spilling some in the process. He gives Killian a look that says he knows there’s a mess but he doesn’t clean it up. Rum lets out a small laugh.

“Ah there’s a smile, I guess the bar’s safe for now.” Killian’s light tone, laidback demeanor, and charming simile work. He’s able to get Rumple to open up. Soon their voices join the low hum of the bar.

“He ate mustard off a spoon?” Killian laughs as Rum nods and laughs himself.

“Then he said _I_ was weird.” Killian’s laugh grows louder and a couple playing pool glare over but Rum doesn’t notice. Calming down from his burst of laughter Killian utters.

“That does sound like an ordeal. Just what made you decide to go out on a date with that guy?” Rum mumbles into his drink, a little embarrassed to explain the situation to the other man. “What was that? It’s a little hard to hear you.”

“My son… set up an online account… and set up the date.” Rum mutters a little louder. Killian struggles to not laugh, trying to cover his chuckles by coughing. Rum gives him a weak glare, “Oh just let it out.”

“I’m sorry.” Killian answers between snickers, “It’s just… how did you expect that date to go?” Killian takes a large drink hoping it calms him down. Rum just shrugs in response. Putting down his drink Killian continues, “Well your not the first person to have a terrible date. Here you buy the next round and I’ll tell you some of my horror stories.”

Maybe it’s the alcohol setting in, or maybe some small part of Rum actually likes talking to another person who’s not Belle. Just don’t let Belle know. But Rum does buy the next round and Killian starts into his bad date stories.

“Ok. Here’s a good one. So the last time I was in New York, I was in this bar and I’d been chatting up this lass for the better part of an hour before she finally gave me her number. I waited a few days before asking her out, she mentioned she was vegan so I found this great restaurant and I took her there. We were having a nice time just getting to know each other, kind of a twenty questions thing. I found out she didn’t like soda, her favorite color; you know some basic things nothing to deep on the first date. But then she asked me my favorite candy, to which I said that I liked chocolate, nothing to specific. I asked her the same, and will a straight face she said she likes it when guys choke themselves, like as a bedroom thing.”

Rum gags on his drink, startled by the strange turn the story took. “She said guys choking themselves where her favorite candy?” disbelieve coloring his voice.

“She said guys choking themselves was her favorite anything.” Killian answers with a shrug. Rum mouths what and Killian continues.

“That was my first clue something was up, but she was pretty and sure she might over share but she seemed nice. So I didn’t leave. The waitress came over and asked what we’d like to drink she said cherry lemonade and I asked for a soda. When the waitress my date just stared at me, then she asked ‘how could you?’ I asked what and then she started to do that whisper yell, saying how could I order soda when she just said she hated it.”

Rum gives him a confused look and speaks, “What did it matter to her? You’re the one drinking it.”

“Right? Then she goes on and on about how she wouldn’t have even come to the restaurant if she had known it served soda. That she was going to leave and find a restaurant that didn’t serve soda, that I was welcome to come with her and she got up and left.” Killian takes another drink as Rum questions the sanity of the girl.

“After a few minutes she comes back and asks if I’m going to find a new restaurant with her. I tell her no that I’ve already ordered, the restaurant is vegan, so is the soda, no one is forcing her to drink it and I don’t understand why the restaurant serving soda affects her at all. I tell her she’s more then welcome to stay and have dinner with me if she’d like.”

“What did she do?” Rum asks Killian rolls his eyes.

“She yelled that I wasn’t being reasonable and that we couldn’t be a couple if I wasn’t willing to support her then she just stomped away.” Rum laughs.

“Why do crazy people think there rational?” Killian chuckles along with him.

“I don’t know. Why is it so hard to find a date that ends well?” Rum sends Killian an appraising look.

“Well if you weren’t so straight then I’d ask you out.” Killian raises an eyebrow.

“Well who say’s I’m straight?”

 

Bae jumps up from the couch and rushes to the door as he hears the key turn the lock. Rum almost hits him with the door on his way in.

“Hey Bae.” Rum looks at his son confused, noticing his son is in his pajamas but not in bed. Hanging his coat on a hanger and into the closet, not that his example is going to help get Bae to hang up his own coat. “Did you wait up for me?”

“Yeah, I mean you said you’d be back two hours ago, I… I guess I got worried.” Bae says while trying to act cool and that he wasn’t seconds from calling Sheriff Graham.

“You need to get to bed.” Bae rolls his eyes.

“Papa it’s the weekend. I can stay up a little it won’t hurt anything.” Rum smiles as he starts up the stairs Bae not far behind. “So tell me about your date did you have a good night?”

Rum answers as he starts to get ready for bed. “I did actually have a nice time.” A wide grin splits Bae’s face.

“So are you gonna see Mark again? Go on another date sometime?” Rum grabs his son’s shoulders, turns him around, and starts to walk his son out of his room and down the hall towards Bae’s own room.

“No I’m never going to see that clod again. If I ever smell that sewer rat again it’ll be to soon.” Bae mouths ‘sewer rat?’ but Rum continues. “But I do have a date next Friday so you’ll have the house to yourself for a few hours again, or you can go over to a friends house.

“Wait how do you have a date if you don’t ever want to see Mark again?” Rum gives his son a wicked smirk as he points to Bae’s bed, tells him goodnight and leaves the room.

 

The week passes slowly for Bae as he waits for Friday night. It took six days but he finally found out that his dad’s date was going to pick him up at the house. He’d also found out some of the details of his dad’s date, mostly from talking to Ruby who’d ‘overheard’ his dad and Belle talking, really she sat down and refused to get them their food or refill their drinks until she heard the story. Belle can be persuasive when she want’s her iced tea. But Bae felt bad for setting his dad up on such a bad date, and he wanted to know the guy who his dad actually asked out.

Bae hears a knock on the door and stops himself from running to the window to catch a glimpse. Luckily for him his dad calls down the stairs that he needs a minute and if he can get the door. Bae practically sprints to the door. Throwing it open he finally sees Killian.

He’s younger then Bae had thought, plus the motorcycle jacket and partly open shirt give him a dangerous look that Bae wasn’t prepared for. ‘Oh my god is my dad having a mid life crisis?’

Killian’s been standing at the door for a few minutes as the kid kind of just stares at him. “Hey kid.” Killian gives a little wave, “What’s up?” Bae doesn’t respond, Killian sighs, “Is your dad ready.” The mention of his dad seems to snap Bae to attention.

“Yeah… sorry he’s just grabbing a few things.” Killian nods then introduces himself putting his hand out to shake Bae’s.

“Ok Bae money’s on the counter, you can call for pizza or Grannies but that’s all got it?” Rum pulls Bae into a hug; then he greets Killian and starts for the door before turning back to his son. “And please try and not eat all the ice cream in the freezer and veg out in front of the T.V. please _try_ to go to bed at a reasonable hour.”

“Don’t worry kid.” Killian says as he ruffles Bae’s hair, “I’ll make sure your dad gets home safe and sound.”


End file.
